Advice for Success on a Dating Site

Time for a much longer, more substantial post which I guess could be seen as a rant! But really I hope that some people might learn something from this, whether it's conducting the way you act on dating sites, or whether it helps you realise that when you end up meeting a really terrible person that's the exact type of person you wanted to avoid, that it's not you, it's them!

This weekend I received another copied and pasted message in my OkCupid mailbox, one I have seen many times before:

"I just wanted to let you know I'm breaking up with you. Sorry, it's just not working out. We have grown emotionally distant over time. It's not you, it's me. I'm taking the house and the car, you can keep the kids."

Sick of seeing this time and time again, I decided to google it, as clearly people were copying and pasting this line from somewhere! This search landed me on an internet forum where I found a whole thread dedicated to a large amount of (I think) terrible advice. Here it is (I've cut out some jabber as it was a huge post and the really short tl;dr summary is below):

"Hey guys. I have had some solid success on OKC and thought I'd share some tips for having success on there. After quite a long dry spell, I turned to OKC to get my dick wet again. I resisted this notion for a long time because the thought of online dating kinda went against my ego, but eventually caved to the need for sex. About 9 months ago I made a profile, met a girl, banged her on the third meet up, and consistently banged her for about 6-7 months. Things ended kinda hazey, but since then I've banged 4 more girls from the site. Here are some tips/strategies I have for going about OKCupid. 

Mindset

Girls on online dating websites are probably not girlfriend material. They are looking for a hookup. They won't directly say it and neither should you, but always assume that the underlying context between a conversation is that a girl is looking for a hookup or a short term relationship. If something happens beyond that, awesome, good for you, congrats...but don't count on it and don't ever have intentions of emotionally investing too strong. 

If you don't get a response...don't take it personally. I'd say that getting a 25% response rate on your initial messages is doing a solid job. Because it is a numbers game, remember to send out messages to lots of girls. 

Your goal is to get a phone number so that you can text her. Don't try to talk her into having sex with you. Don't try to get to know her entire life story. This isn't a time to share vulnerabilities and know each others deepest, darkest secrets. Build enough attraction and chemistry to build curiosity...that's the extent of the messages that should go down on the site. Everything else happens by phone/in person. 

Read their profiles before you message them. Look for girls that you find physically attractive, but don't message somebody if you can tell that you won't like their personality. It won't work. Screen girls...become a selector, not a selectee. There are thousands of girls on this site...you should choose a girl that you not only want to have sex with, but think that you'd get along with reasonably well, too. I promise you that by doing this, you will have more success. 

Your Profile

Post pictures of you doing fun things. Don't worry about how good looking you are. Post pics that show off an adventurous side of you. Hanging with friends, partying, hiking, a picture of you in another country or visiting something cool, etc. Make sure that a full body shot is in there. 

As for your profile, don't try too hard on it. Don't write essay after essay describing your entire existence. It's better to show that you don't take the site too seriously. In the section "You should message me if" - make sure to list one or two key personality traits that you really like. Show the girls viewing your profile that you have standards and that you have a type and know what it is. 

First Message

Your goal is not to create attraction with your first message. Girls who are moderately attractive have a LOT of messages. Your goal, like I said, is not to create attraction, but to stand out. Send her ANYTHING that she hasn't seen before. Examples of messages that have gotten me replies: 

"My penis is less than 3 inches, but I have some huge balls. Could this still work" "I'm breaking up with you. Sorry, it's just not working out. We have grown emotionally distant over time. It's not you...it's me." 

Something different and original. Use one of those if you like, but you should seek to come up with your own. 

Mass message the same message to lots of girls at a time. Send about 5-10 messages of the same thing at the same time. With a decent profile, you'll get about a 25-40% response rate, depending on luck."

TL;DR: Suggests all girls on dating sites are not girlfriend material and are only looking for hookups. Don't bother getting to know them. Getting on with them is less important than wanting to have sex with them. Suggests using lines such as "My penis is less than 3 inches, but I have some huge balls. Could this still work?" as a first message. It so infuriates me that these sort of people exist on dating websites. Time and time again I come across liars who play games. Let's delve a little deeper into tearing this post apart.

Hook Ups

NEVER EVER assume someone is on a dating site for a hookup! This sort of assumption that has resulted in some terrible dates for me including 1 where I actually had to physically force a man off me because he wouldn't take no for an answer. Honestly; what is the point in lying? Even if it works in your favour initially, after you've hooked up with some girl/guy that wanted a relationship, you're likely going to have to deal with their anger or upset. Just be honest! If you're both genuinely just looking to hookup, it's not going to bother either party is it?

Bulk Messaging

Firstly, only message people who you think would be a good match for you & what you're looking for. By receiving a message from someone, I'd assume that they've already made a basic evaluation on this part, but apparently I am wrong! Secondly, if you send a bulk message, unless they only signed up yesterday, they've liked already seen your copied message from someone else.

Baiting Messages

I really am sick of baiting messages; sending something with the intention of getting them riled up a bit and respond to you. This isn't primary school, guys. Instant block in my book. I can have fun banter as much as the next person, but not as a first message on a site that's based entirely on first impressions.

Hopefully this post will at least prevent some of these awful messages circulating. I was astounded by the sheer amount in that thread alone of people following the quoted "advice" here. Even if you are just looking for some fun and don't want anything serious, none of the above is a good way of going about it. It's like advising someone who has money issues to simply go out and mug a few people. There are ways of getting what you want without screwing people over.